2006-7-3

I¡¯m sad now, I think, more exactly, I¡¯ve been sad since last night after I read one University classmate¡¯s Blog about Graduation Ceremony.

I missed it, the Graduation Ceremony; I missed it, the last chance to meet all the friends in the University; I missed it, the moment which was so touching that everybody felt so sad. They were and they are reluctant to leave, I missed it; they were and they are crying together, I missed it; they were and they are recalling the whole campus life, I also missed it. How can I not be sad? This group is my college life truly belongs to. It¡¯s remarkable and unforgettable.

I missed it. I prolonged my study for one year, for the opportunity to do the overseas internship. I missed it. I¡¯ll still stay in the university and study with those classmates who I am not familiar with at all. I become strange again. I missed the train twice which I should have taken for the further trip. The first time, I was so reluctant to take it; the second time, I took it willingly and happily. Just yesterday, I totally understood what I¡¯ve lost but I hadn¡¯t realized it yet. Yeah, how can not be sad?!

I sent the SMS to several friends, they responded to me in a different way. I know what I lost for sure will not be retrieved again. Some would like to console me that you¡¯ve got something when you lost something. And some told me you¡¯d lost something when you got something. These two similar sentences express two way of thinking and tell one truth----we can¡¯t always get two important gifts from God at the same time. The moment we get is the moment we have to face the loss; vice versa.

I don¡¯t know how to express my present feeling now. It¡¯s so complicated. But I know I have to be strong to keep going. I am still not sure what will happen in my life, but just tell myself, continue and try your best.

Just now, I just checked my email box and read a new letter from Poland. When I read it, I cried. I am not sure my crying is for the life I had in Poland or for the life I lost in China. I was just so sad. The letter reminded me of so many scenes happened in Poland; the yesterday¡¯s friend¡¯s Blog reminded me of the scenarios happened in China. Yesterday the whole but not big family got together in Grandma¡¯s house. We made the wonton together and had the supper and then played the badminton in the downstair small playground where I spent my whole childhood with other playmates. At that moment, I felt happy, for the family¡¯s good time together although my beloved Grandpa passed away for almost 3 three years. Meanwhile, I was thinking about my playmates in the childhood----where are they?

Everybody has to accept the changes in everyone¡¯s life, that¡¯s the thing we have to spend all our life time in learning. Life is continuing, anyway.